I had plans in mind for today’s blog post. I wanted to give practical tips on potty training a puppy. Or maybe share an inspirational story about how fun it is to raise a puppy and a baby together. Deep down I wanted to write about my seeds, gardening plans, and maybe a “how to winter sow” post.

When I sat down to write this morning, I found myself so damn exhausted that it didn’t matter what I wanted to write about, the wonderment of life wasn’t there.

But I started typing. Why? Because it was baby’s nap time and during that time I work. If I wasn’t going to write, then I’d have to choose another work-related activity, like revising, editing, submitting, or a hundred other menial tasks. My eyes were too blurry to focus on reading words and I can type without looking at anything, so I wrote.

I wrote about why I was tired. That at 11 pm last night I could still hear my two teens awake, chatting with friends online. Normally that’s a non-issue. They are old enough to determine their bedtime and realize the effects lack of sleep has on them. They are responsible for getting themselves up in the morning, household chores after school, and the like. Their chatting wasn’t loud, except when I’m this tired, anything and everything keeps me awake. The slightest of sounds disturb my sleep.

The cat insistently meowing his sorrows at 2 am was more than a slight sound. His food bowl was empty. And even as I threw pillows at him, I refused to go fill his food bowl. “He’s not in charge of me,” I muttered, as I tossed the last (unnecessary) pillow at him.

At 5 am (or some similar time, where it’s still dark outside) I heard the baby’s first cries.

My response to all of these situations was to put a pillow over my head. Sometimes I plug my ears with my fingers. Or I put my audiobook real close to my ear to try to drown out all other noises.

I got out of bed this morning and added ear plugs to my “to buy” list. Later I found an app that creates white noise, so I crossed off ear plugs and thought “I’ll try this first.” Then I added them back on my list after I realized I couldn’t run the sound app and my audible book at the same time. After a lifetime of not being able to fall asleep, I’ve trained myself to get sleepy when I turn on specific audiobooks. I would use a fan, as I love the background noise. But my pup chewed the cord off our only fan. My beloved Vornado. They’ve never responded to my emails for help and I can’t afford another, so I’m searching for other solutions.

What helped me get over this morning hurdle was thinking that I wasn’t alone.

I bet thousands of other mothers are somewhere in the world thinking, I just need one day, 24 straight hours to myself. Without worries of pick ups and drop offs. Of diaper changes and meal times. One day to sleep. Or sit down. Or breathe without worrying.

Or working so hard to make every second count towards something.

To all the writing moms and moms doing a side hustle – you get me when I say I need a day off.

There are no days off.

Not from mothering. That’s for sure. Unless you have willing babysitters to keep them 24 full hours, which I don’t. Or another parent to take over a meal or chore, or maybe just sit down and play with the baby for an hour. But I don’t. I don’t look too far in my schedule because that downtime isn’t coming. Not this month anyhow. Maybe not next month either. So I push on.

And there are no days off from writing. Oh, sure, I could. But I’m starting my business here. Making the big push to write for a living. I dedicate 40+ hours a week to writing, sometimes more, but rarely any less. In order to do this, and be a full-time mother, and work a part-time job outside of the home, I’ve given up nearly everything else in my life. TV, friends, family, any and all hobbies, self-care, and sleep.

And it’s paying off. I was recently published in the soon-to-be-defunct Parent Co. And several more are awaiting acceptance and publication.

Over the last three months, I’ve watched my Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook following grow. A beautiful mixture of writers, bloggers, parents, and homesteaders. From people starting out, just like me, to those with loads of experience, ones who actually make a living off of what they love (people I want to be like).

On days, like today, that’s what I focus on. Not my exhaustion. Not my dread over the never-ending mom and work chores. Well, a maybe little dread over my mom duties. I can’t say it enough, I’m just so damn tired.

But I’m not alone. I can reach out to friends, family, and those I’ve met except through interactions on social media.

We all forge our own path in life. For some of us, that path is littered with chewed up baby toys (thanks, puppy) and instead of the wind whispering through the trees, the shrill screams of a clingy baby rock the air.

The path isn’t always clear. Not from distractions or dead ends. Our path often includes a few hills, so steep that it takes a serious mountaineering ability to climb.

But quitting isn’t an option. Not in parenting. Not in a career. Oh, you can take a day off. Whenever and however you find a way. But you aren’t going to go to bed and wake up to extra money in your bank account. No one is going to gift you a happy surprise. So you work. And you do laundry. And you don’t sleep.

That’s how I look at it every single day. Every time I walk over the unmopped floors, past the piles of laundry, and dishes. With my iPad in hand, a pad of paper under the crook of my arm. I walk past it all. I make a choice.

It’s a decision that feels like it’s killing me some days. I was used to my well-run household, fairly tidy, with regular meals, and never using the last of anything in the house. My organization comes in handy in my work-at-home life. As long as there’s money in my account, then life is automated. Bills are paid, dog food and toilet paper automatically shipped. But last year, I tossed a baby, then a puppy, then a writing career into the mix. To say it’s been an adjustment is putting it mildly.

When the baby finally lays down for a nap, then I make a choice. That choice is to work, to write. Let me clarify, if my baby is sleeping, then I am working.

Maybe in some ways, I hope this blog post will serve as an apology to everyone in my life. They’re used to my introverted style and me hermitting it up all winter long. But I used to update my personal Facebook with cute pictures, share articles of interest, and comment on the day’s weather, people, and politics. Now I’m mostly silent because I’m not on there.

So no, I won’t be winning any cleanliness awards this year. My kids miss my baking. Our garden will be half-assed and my yard will look even more unruly than normal. I spend more time with my pen in hand, or face to my iPad or laptop, than anything else in my life.

This is it. The big push. And I’m willing to suffer the consequences for now. Willing to put aside everything else in order to make it work. And I think that could be said about anyone who takes on a new venture, whether that be a side hustle, relationship, or career change. You just do it. Until it’s done.

Check out my post for tips on staying professional on social media and balancing mental health.

From Side Hustle to Mom Grind to Sheer Exhaustion

Jessica Elliott

Jessica writes research-backed content based on the best business practices. She visualizes the solution, then breaks down tough topics into digestible bites and easy-to-follow processes.