While clearing out my notes, I came across a note on my iPad with this simple title, “What can I do to be satisfied with today.” I clicked on it, expecting a blog draft or journal entry. Part of me also hoped I’d find inspiration in a low moment.
Instead I found a mere 16 words spread out over three lines. I skimmed it then glanced at the date.
It was two weeks after my washing machine broke. Right around when my mower quit running. Dishes, laundry, and life piled on top of me, while I spent every spare minute hustling my way into enough money to cover all the regular and extra expenses.
I was feeling pretty down. My baby had (finally) laid down for a nap. 30 minutes before I had to leave for work. I found myself looking around at the disaster and wanting to cry.
Instead, I asked myself: What can I do to be satisfied with today?
As in, what needs to get done for life to continue forward even though I feel like shutting down. This odd little list mentions three things. The only three things that mattered for the next half hour.
- Leave by 3:35.
- In that time, I need to put on jeans, apron, shirt.
- NEED PAPER
Why these three things?
Quite simply, survival. I had 29 minutes to get my shit together. As in, I had to dress
I don’t know how I mentally fared that day. I guarantee I was dressed and made it to work on time. And really, looking back, that’s all that mattered.
Maybe I didn’t get a free hour to finish a blog post or catch up on client emails. Maybe I left my house, dishes piled in the sink, willing myself to put on a smile and get through my work shift.
I know I certainly toughe it up and found the stamina to get off work, pick up the baby, get her to sleep, and then do it all again the next day and every single day after that.
And some days are like that. Some days I can’t raise up the joy and make my spirit happy. Every where I look I see a problem that I can’t fix. I face a choice that feels impossible.
Yet, I carry on.
I don’t think single parents have much choice in the matter. Help is literally never coming. Oh sure, I can send out a harried text looking for a spare body, spare truck, spare appliance. But I’m sending that message to other moms who are exhausted, busy, and trying their damnedest to stay afloat in their own lives. They don’t have a husband to spare or a solution to offer. All they can do is listen, and sometimes say, if I hear of anything I’ll let you know.
And I get it. I’m in the same boat.
Being satisfied means different things to different people. And to this harried single mom, some days it means I’m okay with only getting dressed and to work on time. Even when it feels like everything is falling down around me.
